actually, I'm a sock model
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
