I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
