I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
