I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
