is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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