so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
