he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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