The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
