I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
3pm strippers are depressing
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize