her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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