Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
