I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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