I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
