I'm pants shitting drunk right now
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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