Im at strip club and am horny
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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