I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
