"it" just moved
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
