Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
