I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
