Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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