I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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