I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
