I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
