All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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