I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
