the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
