Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
