Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
