So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
