Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
