does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
