So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
