i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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