I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
