I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
