Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize