why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
