Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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