I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
