____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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