Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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