smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
