So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
