Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize