a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
