Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
