The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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