Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
