So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
