The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Randomize
