Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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