STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
