I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
