you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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