So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You don't make any sense
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