there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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