I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
