im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
