He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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