i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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