I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
