Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
3pm strippers are depressing
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
