So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
