watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
