Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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