I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
