So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize