Pappa wants mamma naked
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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