So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
