I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you made out with another girl for some wings
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
