i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
