i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
