He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
