my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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